Blog Posts 2-6

Blog #2

In this section of the book, Bennie goes into more detail of his past to elaborate even more on why this flight is so important to him. He rambles on about his nights getting drunk and going home with random women, all the while only being able to think about his beloved Stella. Bennie then goes into his increase of writing poetry and publishing works, and the quick cease of his writing career. One quote I thought was very significant in Bennie talking about his writing career was when he talked about his mother saying that all of Bennie's creativeness comes from her side of the family. Bennie writes, "My mother awards herself credit for what she terms my 'artistic bent'--at this point, a nice way to describe my toolbox of personality disorders" (Miles 80). Earlier in the novel, Bennie talks about having a poor relationship with his mother. Bennie finds something he's good at and that he likes, but his mother takes all the credit for it. This could be one of the causes in Bennie's not wanting to write poetry anymore, because every time he wrote something, his mother would just take the credit for that. Bennie's elaboration on his reasons for not writing poem and going into details of his past are beginning to support a theme that although one may think they're able to move on from the past, things that are shoved in the deepest, darkest parts of our minds still affect the way we think and the choices we make.

Blog #3

The main objective of this book, I've come to discover, is Bennie going over his past in intricate detail to American Airlines, because all he wants to do is show them why this plane is so important to him. In this section of the book, Bennie talks about how much he wants his own horse, but both his mother and his father won't even think of letting him have one. In the middle of that story, Bennie goes off on a tangent and starts talking about his marriage to a lady named Margaret, and how it failed and how he felt guilty about it. Then Bennie gets back on track with his horse story. Bennie's mother says she'll buy him a horse, and they're going to New Mexico to get one. Even though Bennie finds his mother's plot to go to New Mexico a little bit out of the ordinary, he wants a horse more than anything else and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get one. Bennie and his mother drive for two days to New Mexico until their car breaks down. I think the breaking down of the car is very symbolic of how Bennie's mother feels about him. She has been trying to drive straight on through and ignore all the bad things that are going on, but one last bad thing finally opens her eyes and she cracks. When a group of Native Americans stop on the side of the road to help, Bennie's mother freaks out and starts to yell at Bennie. She says, "All I wanted was to give you a better life. You! You've ruined me, you and your father. Y'all have sucked the life right out of me. I can't even sleep at night. What's the point of dreaming? There is no point with you two. It's cruel, is all it is. All I wanted was to give you a horse. A stupid damn horse. That's why we're here, Benjamin" (Miles 114). We never really get to see how crazy Bennie's mother is until she freaks out on him at this point. Willa yelling at Bennie shows that no matter what she does, she always feels like she's a failure. That could be reflecting onto Bennie's life and thinking that he's not good enough for anything, and that there's no point in life. Hence the reason he chooses to go out and drink every night, not caring about the choices he makes.

Blog #4

In this section of the book, Bennie and his mother are still traveling to New Mexico. Bennie's mother has begun calling their destination the Faraway, which, to Willa, represents a place where nothing is wrong and there isn't anything to worry about and people could paint and be happy doing whatever things they wanted to do. However, the reader comes to realize that the Faraway is a place that can never be reached, because Willa will never be satisfied with any place that she's in. The Faraway for Willa is a mental place. Bennie says, "Was I thus aware, at that single-digit age, of just how to fetch my mother from her mental Faraway?" (Miles 114-115). In this quote, Bennie ultimately reveals that not only is his mother mentally unstable, she is never going to be able to be satisfied with where they are in life. The only place where Willa will be able to be happy is in her state of mind where no one or anything can ever get in her way or do anything that bothers her. Willa's mental unstableness is shown in Bennie's personality, because he seems to have a fear of commitment and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with his life besides drink and have sex with numerous women. 

Blog #5

In this section of the book, Bennie reminisces of a conversation he had with Stella after calling little Stella--Speck--to tell them that his flight was late and that he wouldn't be able to make the wedding ceremony, just the reception. After Bennie informs Speck that he won't be able to make it, she tells him to wait--Stella wants to talk to him. This is the first time Bennie and Stella have spoke in a number of years. Bennie and Stella talk about the past and Bennie brings up that if he could take it all back, he would. Bennie then talks about how the word "sorry" really means nothing, that how people think one puny little word can make up for everything. Bennie then says przykro mi, which is Polish for somewhere in between "I'm sorry" and "I'm in pain." Bennie repeats that over and over until his emotions get to him and he begins to cry. Bennie says, " 'Well, that was stupid,' she said, and when we laughed together my eyes brimmed with tears that were neither happy nor sad but merely wet" (Miles 174). I think Bennie addressing his tears as "neither sad nor happy but merely wet" shows that still, after years of being away from Stella and years of trying to find himself, he still lacks the capability to feel strong emotion and make a commitment to one individual person. Bennie shows that while he cares about Stella, he doesn't know why he does, hence his tears having no true meaning behind them, they're just empty tears. 

Blog #6

Bennie finishes his letter to American Airlines by talking about how he wonders how different his life could've been if Stella had decided to go through with her abortion of Speck. Bennie then goes on to finish his letter with the ending of the story of Walenty, except it's been re-written by Bennie. Bennie ends his letter with, "Walenty sank down into his seat and closed his eyes. There was no Free State of Trieste and there never could be" (Miles 180). Bennie uses the Free State of Trieste as a representation of everything that is good in the world: people you love, things you love to do. Bennie saying that there could never be a Free State of Trieste means that he's fed up with his life and realizes that almost nothing can go his way anymore. Bennie uses the Free State of Trieste as a representation of his life and how he's done with it. 

First Outside Reading Blog Post.

This quarter, I'm reading Dear American Airlines by Jonathan Miles. Bennie Ford is a 53-year-old ex-poet who was attempting to get to his daughter's wedding. However, American Airlines cancelled his flight due to poor weather, and Bennie won't have any of it. His ranting letter to the company begins as just that, but then spirals into a much deeper synopsis of Bennie's life, revealing mistakes, addictions, and a troubled past beyond human belief. 

Bennie begins his letter sounding like any old angry, ripped-off customer, but then realizes that to convince the company to refund his money, he must give them more reason besides just a cancelled flight. Bennie starts to tell American Airlines why this flight is so important to him. He starts by giving the story of his mother, Miss Willa Desforges. A possibly schizophrenic painter, Miss Willa met Bennie's father, Henryk Gniech, and within three weeks, she was pregnant. Bennie also describes the verbal abuse he received from his mother.  Miss Willa says, of her father killing a rodent in their attic, "'I'll never forgive you or anyone ever again.' (Ah, typical Willa Desforges hyperbole. 'If you continue to bite your fingernails,' she told me when I was a boy, 'you will never be loved. No one will want you and you will die alone.')" (Miles 25). Bennie showing the love-hate relationship he had with his mother shows that he had been dealing with pain from the very beginning of his life, and gives some insight as to why he handled his future relationships the way he did. 

Bennie then describes, in elaborate detail, his relationship with Stella. Stella and Bennie were never married, but they had a child, Stella Jr., aka Speck.  Bennie and Stella's relationship starts off beautifully.  Bennie describes his happiness, "In those months we were the planet's happiest residents. If I was no longer the poéte maudit, well, pbbbbbt, I didn't give a damn. I stopped drinking alone and suicide was as improbable a concept for me as joining a Kiwanis Club" (Miles 31). Then, the happiness of the relationship begins to dwindle away. Bennie begins drinking again. Stella finds his empty fifths and vodka bottles hidden in bookshelves, and she kicks Bennie out. Bennie's drinking again is symbolic of his happiness going away; the more the happiness leaves, the more Bennie begins to drink. Bennie shows little emotion when he gets kicked out; only shock, and no traces of hurt or sadness. At the point I'm at in the book, Bennie just drops off at Stella kicking him out and then goes into a completely different story. He begins to elaborate more on his relationship with his daughter, and also tells us more about a character named Walenty. Bennie is also a translator, and Walenty is a character in a book he's translating. Bennie seems to relate with the stories of Walenty, and as Bennie's life evolves, so does Walenty's.

Blogs.

On the Waterfront blog:

I think that the line between being a traitor and a whistle blower is very fine, but people easily realize when one has crossed that line to be either a traitor or a whistle blower. It  also depends on the perspective of the person who's judging you as either a traitor or a whistle-blower. For example, if you were to testify in court against a certain gang or group of people, the people in that group would consider you a traitor because you had valuable information that you used against them. However, people that were being harmed by the gang would consider you a whistle blower for doing the right thing and stopping corruption that you see in society.

In the film On The Waterfront, I think that all the characters have very contrasting views on what differs a traitor from a whistle-blower. For example, I think Terry views someone as a traitor right away if they were to tattle on anyone. Terry was very reluctant to testify against the mob, showing that he thinks that anyone who uses information against anyone else is automatically a traitor, whether or not those people had been abusing their power. 

Outside Reading Blogs

#1

For outside reading, I'm reading the book A Million Little Pieces by James Frey. Right now, I'm only about one hundred pages into the book. So far, we've seen James go to rehab and struggle furiously against professionals and doctors who are trying to offer him help. James woke up on an airplane not knowing where he was going with various injuries (Frey). I think that James' unwillingness to cooperate is symbolic of the struggles he feels on the inside. James doesn't want to accept the fact that he chose a horrible fate for himself, therefore he doesn't want to accept that he needs help to get back on his feet.

Another thing that is very symbolic of James' struggle is the fact that when he looks in the mirror, he can never look at his eyes. James describes his eyes with great passion, showing that they are very important and meaningful to him. I think that if James were to look in his eyes, it would be helpful but very difficult for him. People say the eyes are the window to the soul; if James were to look in his eyes, he would see the true him and that could be a hard thing to accept, considering that James is an addict on the path to recovery. James makes it clear that accepting oneself on the path to recovery is very difficult because while you're in recovery, you aren't necessarily pleased with yourself and the path you've chosen to live on.

#2

At my point in the book, James is still in rehabilitation and is now beginning to make friends at his rehab center. James has met a woman named Lilly and an older man named Leonard (Frey). James previously established that both Lilly and Leonard have had huge impact on his life as a recovering addict. James is still being extremely stubborn and not wanting to cooperate with the people trying to help him recover from addiction. James' brother Bob came and visited him and brought him gifts. The fact that James found people that care for him was very moving to James, but he still can't participate in the rehab program there for him. 

I think that James still not participating in the programs shows that he's not completely ready to get well yet, but he's getting closer. The fact that James is now open to people at the clinic and talking to people shows that he wants to recover, but isn't completely ready to face the truth just yet. James has began talking more in depth with Leonard, also showing more of how he's opening up to new people and taking in what they have to say. 

#3

The section of the book that I read this week was very significant not only to the plot of the story, but to James. James has a conversation with Leonard where Leonard tells him how he ended up in rehab. Leonard's story is so heart-wrenching for James and allows James to have true respect for Leonard. James and Lilly also begin a very significant relationship in this part of the book. They begin sneaking off and maintaining a romantic relationship, although it's against the rules of the clinic to have contact with the opposite gender. 

When James and Leonard are talking, Leonard breaks down crying in front of James. I feel this is very significant to both James and Leonard. It shows that Leonard is comfortable being around James. It's not easy for a man to cry, let alone in front of another man. It shows that Leonard truly trusts James as a person. Leonard crying is very significant to James because James didn't make fun of Leonard for crying; he accepted it and embraced his friend during his time of need. I think this shows James growing as a person because James was able to see that his friend needed help and give him what he needed.

#4

In this section, James realizes something very important about himself. James, after having meetings with his parents and professionals about his addiction, comes to think that addiction is not an illness, but a weakness and the only way to overcome it is to take heed of the problem and accept it for what it is. This is significant for James because now that he's accepted his problem, he can begin to fix it and see what he's doing wrong. 

James coming to this realization also shows how he's grown as a person. The old James wouldn't have been as ready to get better, but the new James that has lived in rehab can accept what he's done wrong and get himself on the track to fix it. James began the rehab program with his family, showing that he's getting better and stronger. 

#5

This is the first section where James' recovery is tested. Lilly runs away from the rehab center because her grandmother is dying. James literally runs after Lilly, but can't get to her. When James and a few other staff members find Lilly, she is engaging in a sexual activity and it is apparent that she was smoking crack. James has multiple opportunities to smoke the crack, but instead of choosing the drugs, he chooses Lilly and gets her back to the rehab center as soon as possible.

James not smoking the crack symbolizes his dedication to the rehab plan. Him picking Lilly instead of the drug shows how much he's grown to care about new people and has become a sympathetic person. James could've smoked the crack, but he chose not to. This was a huge ethical choice that James had to make. It also shows how much James' personality has strengthened during his time in rehab. 

#6

After the climax of the novel, things are beginning to calm down in the rehab center. Leonard has volunteered to pay for Lilly's extra term at the rehab center which she needed to start her detoxification over again. Leonard completes the course and prepares to leave the center when he asks James to be his son. While completing his rehab program, James confesses that priest in Paris made sexual advances towards him that he wasn't comfortable with. James beat the priest severely, maybe even killing him. James admitting this left him with a new lightness and feeling of freedom. James now knows he's ready to leave the center. 

After leaving, James asks that his brother takes him to a bar. James gets money and orders whiskey. After looking at and smelling the whiskey, James asks the bartender to dump it down the drain. The bartender dumping the whiskey down the drain is extremely symbolic of James' success as a recovering addict. The whiskey represents James' addiction, and the bartender dumping it down the drain represents James ridding himself of this addiction.