In this section of the book, Bennie goes into more detail of his past to elaborate even more on why this flight is so important to him. He rambles on about his nights getting drunk and going home with random women, all the while only being able to think about his beloved Stella. Bennie then goes into his increase of writing poetry and publishing works, and the quick cease of his writing career. One quote I thought was very significant in Bennie talking about his writing career was when he talked about his mother saying that all of Bennie's creativeness comes from her side of the family. Bennie writes, "My mother awards herself credit for what she terms my 'artistic bent'--at this point, a nice way to describe my toolbox of personality disorders" (Miles 80). Earlier in the novel, Bennie talks about having a poor relationship with his mother. Bennie finds something he's good at and that he likes, but his mother takes all the credit for it. This could be one of the causes in Bennie's not wanting to write poetry anymore, because every time he wrote something, his mother would just take the credit for that. Bennie's elaboration on his reasons for not writing poem and going into details of his past are beginning to support a theme that although one may think they're able to move on from the past, things that are shoved in the deepest, darkest parts of our minds still affect the way we think and the choices we make.
Blog #3
The main objective of this book, I've come to discover, is Bennie going over his past in intricate detail to American Airlines, because all he wants to do is show them why this plane is so important to him. In this section of the book, Bennie talks about how much he wants his own horse, but both his mother and his father won't even think of letting him have one. In the middle of that story, Bennie goes off on a tangent and starts talking about his marriage to a lady named Margaret, and how it failed and how he felt guilty about it. Then Bennie gets back on track with his horse story. Bennie's mother says she'll buy him a horse, and they're going to New Mexico to get one. Even though Bennie finds his mother's plot to go to New Mexico a little bit out of the ordinary, he wants a horse more than anything else and he's willing to do whatever it takes to get one. Bennie and his mother drive for two days to New Mexico until their car breaks down. I think the breaking down of the car is very symbolic of how Bennie's mother feels about him. She has been trying to drive straight on through and ignore all the bad things that are going on, but one last bad thing finally opens her eyes and she cracks. When a group of Native Americans stop on the side of the road to help, Bennie's mother freaks out and starts to yell at Bennie. She says, "All I wanted was to give you a better life. You! You've ruined me, you and your father. Y'all have sucked the life right out of me. I can't even sleep at night. What's the point of dreaming? There is no point with you two. It's cruel, is all it is. All I wanted was to give you a horse. A stupid damn horse. That's why we're here, Benjamin" (Miles 114). We never really get to see how crazy Bennie's mother is until she freaks out on him at this point. Willa yelling at Bennie shows that no matter what she does, she always feels like she's a failure. That could be reflecting onto Bennie's life and thinking that he's not good enough for anything, and that there's no point in life. Hence the reason he chooses to go out and drink every night, not caring about the choices he makes.
Blog #4
In this section of the book, Bennie and his mother are still traveling to New Mexico. Bennie's mother has begun calling their destination the Faraway, which, to Willa, represents a place where nothing is wrong and there isn't anything to worry about and people could paint and be happy doing whatever things they wanted to do. However, the reader comes to realize that the Faraway is a place that can never be reached, because Willa will never be satisfied with any place that she's in. The Faraway for Willa is a mental place. Bennie says, "Was I thus aware, at that single-digit age, of just how to fetch my mother from her mental Faraway?" (Miles 114-115). In this quote, Bennie ultimately reveals that not only is his mother mentally unstable, she is never going to be able to be satisfied with where they are in life. The only place where Willa will be able to be happy is in her state of mind where no one or anything can ever get in her way or do anything that bothers her. Willa's mental unstableness is shown in Bennie's personality, because he seems to have a fear of commitment and he doesn't seem to want to do anything with his life besides drink and have sex with numerous women.
Blog #5
In this section of the book, Bennie reminisces of a conversation he had with Stella after calling little Stella--Speck--to tell them that his flight was late and that he wouldn't be able to make the wedding ceremony, just the reception. After Bennie informs Speck that he won't be able to make it, she tells him to wait--Stella wants to talk to him. This is the first time Bennie and Stella have spoke in a number of years. Bennie and Stella talk about the past and Bennie brings up that if he could take it all back, he would. Bennie then talks about how the word "sorry" really means nothing, that how people think one puny little word can make up for everything. Bennie then says przykro mi, which is Polish for somewhere in between "I'm sorry" and "I'm in pain." Bennie repeats that over and over until his emotions get to him and he begins to cry. Bennie says, " 'Well, that was stupid,' she said, and when we laughed together my eyes brimmed with tears that were neither happy nor sad but merely wet" (Miles 174). I think Bennie addressing his tears as "neither sad nor happy but merely wet" shows that still, after years of being away from Stella and years of trying to find himself, he still lacks the capability to feel strong emotion and make a commitment to one individual person. Bennie shows that while he cares about Stella, he doesn't know why he does, hence his tears having no true meaning behind them, they're just empty tears.
Blog #6
Bennie finishes his letter to American Airlines by talking about how he wonders how different his life could've been if Stella had decided to go through with her abortion of Speck. Bennie then goes on to finish his letter with the ending of the story of Walenty, except it's been re-written by Bennie. Bennie ends his letter with, "Walenty sank down into his seat and closed his eyes. There was no Free State of Trieste and there never could be" (Miles 180). Bennie uses the Free State of Trieste as a representation of everything that is good in the world: people you love, things you love to do. Bennie saying that there could never be a Free State of Trieste means that he's fed up with his life and realizes that almost nothing can go his way anymore. Bennie uses the Free State of Trieste as a representation of his life and how he's done with it.
2 comments:
hey commenting on blog 2.
Although its not really good for us, many people think about the past much more than the present. I'm referring to Bennie in the beginning of your post. One must learn to accept the events taking place now and to live in the present not the past, or life will be wasted away.
On blog 3
It seems like some parents of a lot of bottled up emotions. In Bennie's mom's case, she shouldn't have had children. She obviously doesn't have what it takes to be mom material if she can't even love her child. I also think the horse is a metaphor for things Bennie wants but will never have. It's like killing his dreams.
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